I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
