8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
