Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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