i wish my penis had a tongue
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
