Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
