The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Michael Bay diarrhea
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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