Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
