i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
