I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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