last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
