I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
