guys are not supposed to queef...right?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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