waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
