you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
