i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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