My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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