hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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