I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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