Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
