if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my sisters under your porch take her home
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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