I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
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