I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
