omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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