No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
false alarm, still single
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
