There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
