you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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