even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
