I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
