I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
