I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
