Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
