I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
