i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
ttyl tear gas
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
