Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
