Already got asked if we're dating
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
