People with herpes should wear stickers.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
