Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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