please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
