How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
