I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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