She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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