I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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