So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
