My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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