True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
