omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
