Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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