Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
