idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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