Betty ford says i'm here all night
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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